gwendolyn dervish.

"Singing is a way of escaping. It's another world. I'm no longer on earth.” -Edith Piaf( Read more... )

If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
( Read more... )

I have been so delayed in writing about Italy, but it's been a bit hard to get used to being back, and with everything going on... I've been focused on a lot of other things. To all the families who've lost someone recently: I am so sorry. I know there's nothing I can do, but I am thinking about all of you.

Now, without further adieu, and because I have no idea how to transition from Italy! This is just stuff from Rome, but we went to Florence, and really briefly in Venice. We didn't get to see a whole lot of sights, since we were mostly in class and/or singing, but we did get to see some fun things.

( pictures! )

Although I miss it all terribly, I am glad to be home. I missed my puppy (who isn't much of a puppy anymore), I missed my friends, and I missed Scotland. I didn't miss preparing for exams, but that's what I'm going to be spending the next FOREVER doing.

Warded to Addie:

I think we're overdue for a girls' night, just the two of us. What do you say?

Warded to Friends:

TWO DAYS LEFT and then I'll be in ROMA. I've spent the last month brushing up on my Italian, but I think I still sound silly. Hopefully I'll be able to get by well enough.

Anyway, the point of this isn't to brag but to just make sure you lot all know where I am so no one thinks anything bad has happened. I'm leaving on Sunday and I'll be back on the 29th. It's a bit rubbish not being able to go to work for two whole weeks like this, and knowing how much bloody money I'm going to be spending, so I think I'm going to end up spending May skint as hell, but it's so worth it.

Taking requests for souvenirs starting now! Nothing outrageous and really expensive, please! And don't ask for an Italian man. I don't think one would fit into my trunk.

And lastly: holy shit, they got a Death Eater.

Warded to Girl Friends:

Does anyone have time to help me pack tonight or tomorrow? I can't decide which outfits to bring! This could be a disaster.

Also, Addie & Nic: no need to worry about Apollo while I'm gone. I'm going to bring him over to my parents' so they can watch him. If you want to visit, I'm sure he'd love it, but this way you don't have to worry about feeding him or taking him out for walks or anything unless you really want to.

Warded Private:

I keep thinking about Cerys, ever since last week. I guess that's why I haven't been able to write much lately beyond a little bit about the book club Nic's starting. I stopped by Mum and Dad's tonight without telling them and I just hugged them and wouldn't let go. I don't know how I'd do it, in her place. I don't know how she'll do it, or when. I just know she will. She's got to I keep thinking we could've lost her, we nearly did, and I guess I knew it could happen to one of us, but I didn't really think it would. It's so stupid to think we're invincible, but I guess that's what it was. We spent a lot of time safe and sound, far away from all of this, and we've been so lucky. It was only a matter of time. Merlin, I'm so glad she's going to be all ri live. I'd say all right, but I don't know... I don't know if we can say that just yet. Not yet. I wish there was something I could do for her. Something I could say that'd make it even just a little better.

All this rubbish going on about Muggles and Muggleborns and people being bigots and being proud of our heritage, it's difficult to sit here and not say anything. I don't think I'd have anything to add, and I think I'd only get myself into trouble. I'm risking so much already going to pubs on the sly, sneaking around to perform when I can. Even just learning about Muggle music would probably be enough to upset someone. I listen to this music and try to hold onto hope, but it's just not that easy.

At least I wouldn't get hurt for being gay, here.

Everything's so backwards. None of this makes any sense.

Warded to Kirk:

Hey, you. I'm feeling antsy and like I should learn something new. Pick a song.

April could NOT get here fast enough. We just sorted out the dates for our spring excursion - oh, I forgot to mention that? We (my classmates, our professor and I) are going to ITALY in April for two weeks for school. There's a brilliant music school in Rome that we'll be visiting, and performing with right before we're meant to come home, and we get to see an opera. I've never been so grateful for my Italian lessons, since it seems they'll be really useful now.

Good thing I'm really good at hiding my accent when I sing. Less so when I speak Italian, unfortunately. I'm not quite the worst of the whole class, but I have a feeling everyone's going to laugh.

Warded to Girl Friends:

Things that are frustrating/annoying/depressing:

• Waking up to dog slobber all over your face
  
• Stepping in a huge puddle in the middle of a Muggle area and having to walk with soggy shoes until you're able to fix it
  
• Meeting someone and having no good way of contacting them because you don't have a telephone or a mail box for regular letters delivered by a regular postman and not by owl, so you're forced to try to keep going back to the same place in a ridiculous attempt to "accidentally" run into them again, but then you end up lying about why you didn't call, and then you feel like an awful person
  
• The general state of the world.

And now for something happier: now that things have settled down a bit (hopefully?), I was thinking we should definitely make a tradition of doing something with just us girls. I think we'd talked about it before, but now I'm going to open up the floor to all of you so we can sort out what we'll do next, and when!

Warded to Friends of Gwen, Addie & Nic:

All right so I expect you've all heard the broadcast and probably gotten a copy of the Prophet tonight.

We just got word from the staff at St Mungo's about Nic so we're going to head up there and see if they'll tell us anything about how she is. We'll let you know when we know anything.

Warded to Addie Banges, the McKinnon kids & Nic Mason:

I know I can just walk into the other room or Floo over or something, but I wanted to say this here, in writing, so that no matter what happens, you all can look back and see it and remember.

I love you lot so SO much.

All right, that's it.

Warded to Ravenclaw, Gryffindor & Hufflepuff 1978-1979; Arkie Philpott; Kirk, Maggie & Catie McKinnon; Levi & Harper Warwick; Matilda Dukelow; Gemma Patil; any other good friends of Gwen, Addie & Nic that are not on this list but should be:

So I was making a list of who all to include on this ward and I realised it was getting really long, and now I'm not so sure we'll be able to fit everyone in our flat, but we're going to try, damn it.

Anyway, I know things are tough and really scary right now, but I think that means it's all the more important to spend some time together and not let everything get us down completely (plus we have a really good reason for a party) and prove we're not just going to roll over and die. So... Addie, Nic and I are renting out a cottage in Hogsmeade starting now, and we want to have a housewarming party.

We're thinking the 10th, maybe starting around 7 pm? If you want to bring anyone, just let one of us know so we can make a note. And it'd probably really help us out if you could all bring something -- alcohol or food, it doesn't really matter to me. Just let us know what you want to bring!

(Cerys, I know you probably won't be able to make it, but feel free to stop by after work, there's every possibility at least I'll still be up.)

Warded to Friends:

It's SO EASY to criticise something when you've always had the option to say yes or no and have probably never even considered that some people don't even have the choice if they wanted to marry someone they're in love with. It's not really that he hates it and wouldn't want to do it himself, or even Dominic himself. It's that it's a sensitive subject and it's that so many people don't even have the right to opt out, that decision's being made for them, and it's not fair. I don't understand why people care so much about things that don't even impact them at all.

Warded Private:

I try not to think about this often, because it's bloody depressing and whenever I think about it, I end up feeling like this is all so hopeless. I go out with the girls and I watch them flirt with blokes like it's no big deal - and it isn't a big deal in the same way, not for them, and I don't think they even realise how lucky they are sometimes. They can look at someone and know that he's likely straight. If he's not, well... he'll probably do what I do, and lie about it and pretend he's dating someone if he's not. I don't know how to go out and do the same as Addie or Catie can, and that feels lonely as hell. The prospect doesn't feel quite as daunting when I'm not in the Muggle world because there are so many more of them and the chances that I'll find someone is much greater, but even though things are better than they were ten years ago, it's so hard to tell who's going to react well and who's not. And then if she does react well, I still have to lie about something, and I still have to hide a part of who I am, and I wonder how much harder I've made all of this on myself.

It would be so much easier another way. If only it could be. And at least I'm not a man. Not too long ago I would've gotten arrested if I'd gotten caught.

And then I think about Muggleborns, and how they're being persecuted for something completely beyond their control, just like people like me have been, and it's just

When is it ever going to get better?

Warded to Friends:

Tell me something good. A story with a happy ending. Anything.

I've been digging through boxes in order to try to figure out what I might want to take with me when I move (it's not official yet as we haven't found the right place, so don't feel bad if you've missed that information), and I stumbled upon something very special.

( wave your wands )

My future sister-in-law is a catch. And I don't mean that sarcastically. She's gorgeous. And I don't mean that in a I've-got-the-hots-for-her way either.

When I got home the other day, I discovered that this great lump of a dog:

( wave your wand )

had chewed on and torn apart two pairs of shoes, a pillow and my blanket, and had then fallen asleep on my bed in the middle of his mess. He knows better, and the look on his face when I walked in told me he knew he'd messed up, but that doesn't excuse his behaviour, so he's been in the figurative dog house ever since. Kirk, I'm blaming you. I think you'll need to come apologise for taking me away for even just a little while. (I have to admit, a huge reason why I haven't moved out yet is because I know this dog would be miserable without me here and there's no way I can take him to just any little flat.)

Warded to Friends:

I completely forgot to mention this, but I met someone the other week. He's tall, and he has dark hair, and really nice eyes...




And now that I have your attention. While it is true, he's just a Muggle pianist and I got talked into making more time to sing at this pub in Islington because... have you ever met someone and felt some sort of strange instant connection? I'm not talking sexually or anything like that. I mean on a creative level. It's like that. So... if you're not busy this Friday, let me know and I'll tell you where it is, and please for the love of Merlin don't get us caught, I plan to inside someone's home before curfew.

Warded to Friends:

Does anyone ever wonder if maybe they should have left the country after school and gotten away from everything going on here? A couple people at school were talking about it today - that and how it feels completely pathetic to be sitting here learning some musical instrument when other people are out there risking their lives for all of us - and about what we wish we'd done differently. Singing didn't have to be it for me, not full-time at any rate, not right away, and lately it feels like I'm wasting my time. I mean, I love it, don't get me wrong. But I could have done so much more to be helpful, and I didn't. I didn't, and if we even bloody make it I've got nothing to show or offer.

And I didn't have to do it here, either. I could be in France or New York City or anywhere, waiting tables and singing on the side and so far away from everything going on here. I'm of two minds, really. I'm sure it's likely what the Death Eaters want, to make us too afraid to live, and it's so infuriating to feel myself giving in, but it'd be sa different, somewhere else. Not exactly safer, I know there are problems everywhere, but it wouldn't be like this. And then I remind myself you lot would all still be here, and I'm back to the beginning because I'd worry all the bloody time. I don't want to hide away all the time. I've done it enough in the last two years and I'm tired of it and just want to be able to leave the house without my parents throwing a fit.

So in an effort to make myself feel like I'm not a complete loser who's given in and rolled over and given up, me and my friend Rose from school are going out this weekend, probably to this pub I sing at sometimes, so if anyone wants to join us... well, we won't say no.

Warded to Addie Banges:

Kirk and I had a moment and now I don't know how to fix things. It all started out normal and light-hearted about how I wouldn't have anyone to compare him to if he tried to prove he was qualified to be a porn star, and then we were talking about what defines virginity and he asked if I thought I should officially lose it to someone I trust and have known a long time, which isn't an awful idea in general and it's not like that's never crossed my mind before.

And then when I asked if we'd be all right if I ever actually said yes (because obviously he was talking about himself), he said no, he wouldn't be.

Now what do I do???

I feel like I should have something to say about the announcement today like everyone else, and I do, it's just all rather complicated, isn't it? That's expected, though. Life is complicated no matter where I look these days.

Anyway, I rang in 1981 with my best friend/soon-to-be sister (which I will never get sick of saying, no apologies), and I hope I didn't wake anyone when I shouted happy new year out my bedroom window and I really hope I didn't fla! Not a bad way to say shove off to 1980, not bad at all. It wasn't the easiest year, but it can only get better from here on out right? and I'm looking forward to seeing what 1981 has in store for me. 1980 was... rather life-changing. Many thanks to all my friends for being there. And that's all I'll say about that.

Speaking of my friends: I’m free for another week and a half, so if you want to see me, now’s your chance to schedule something. Have your people talk to my people and we’ll work something out.